Why I kicked TV shows and movies out of my life

There has always been this voice in my head that says watching TV shows or movies doesn’t really help: it neither solves any of my problems, nor helps me recover from all the stress and pressure. It dawned on me when I watched an interview by Steve Jobs in the early 90s on the topic of TV shows. He said(not the exact words though):

“People shut their minds when they got home. They don’t want to think anymore. The TV networks are feeding people exactly what they ask for; there is no conspiracy, they just offer what customers want, meet their demand.”

So true! When you stare at a screen, with a mixture of carefully manipulated voices, music and sounds of special effects on the background, you are drawn into the drama right in front of you. That screen becomes your whole world, in which you don’t think or ask questions. It’s an exciting world; you are too focused on the screen that you don’t have one second to stop and ask yourself, what is going on here?

Some might say, well, they could learn something from the movies. e.g. ” watching the poor girl striving for a better life, I feel so lucky and bit ashamed. I’ll do better tomorrow.”  In my opinion, this by no means falls into the definition of “learning”. To see why not, just look at if it answers yes to any of the following questions:

Are you making real any changes to your life? Can you recall the changes after 3 days?Are you gaining more energy afterwards? Better sleep, stronger muscles, better endurance?

If you can’t say yes to the above questions, then you didn’t learn, in my opinion.

TV shows and movies are entertainment, which by nature offers nothing but visual stimulation. They are not designed to help you stop and solve problems. You don’t get the sense of accomplishment out of watching Britain’s Got Talent; but more often than not, when you get back to your own life from all the glamor on screen, your life may seem more dusty and boring than before. Now you might feel both unaccomplished and discouraged. On the contrary, if you spend the time taking a real rest, or keep grinding on your work, you will have done something and gotten better in one way or another.

Of course, when it’s socially required, I will enjoy it, but also keep in mind that I’m neither learning nor resting; I’m spending energy and I’ll have to spend extra time to recover.

When you’re happy, you don’t have to tell anyone

“You become an evangelist for this way of life. You want to show everyone that you’re happier. You want to help them to be happy too.

Yet you may discover, as most evangelists do, that the rest of the world is not always eager to hear your message.

Your happiness may lie in going against the grain of opinion or preferences. But sometimes, you should just go with the flow once you’re there. Let it settle in. Enjoy it for yourself.”

 

full article

“Art of Suffering”

“There is a way to suffer that is far more skillful than sheer endurance. More importantly, this “knowing how to suffer” is an important part of one’s spiritual growth. From my (probably incomplete) understanding of Thay’s teaching, there are 3 steps in suffering skillfully.

Step 1: Calm the mind.

Step 2: Cradle with tenderness.

Step 3: Cultivate compassion from this suffering.

If there is one word that summarizes all 3 steps, I think that word is “Love”. Love oneself enough to allow the space for oneself to suffer, without shame or judgement. In suffering, there is nothing to be ashamed of, there is no reason to hide, it’s just the natural experience of suffering, that’s all. Love oneself enough to allow the space and time to heal. Love oneself enough to cradle one’s own pain tenderly with kindness. And love all sentient being enough to want to cultivate compassion.”

My two cents

School teachers don’t teach you how to suffer. Many people find the word “suffer” to be embarrassing, something that you should not speak of when possible, and avoid like the plague. There is a Chinese saying that goes like ” if a medicine tastes bitter, take it, because it’s good for you.” A lot of the times you’ll need to suffer, because it’ll do you good; you could learn things otherwise you couldn’t.

Suffering is a welcoming topic in neither popular media nor small talk. You might have already seen on TV shows or movies how people wake up to find themselves given a new identity, and they begin a new, glamorous and successful life. You see singers, dancers or actors talking about all the fun they had, but you almost never hear them talking about the sweat and blood behind the scenes. Why not? Because people don’t like the idea of suffering; they’d rather prefer to see instant success, and woo and wow for the stars.

I choose not to connect this blog to facebook, because people on facebook are there to enjoy pretty pictures and funny stories, not a full-length article of “oh-you-know-you-look-like-you’d-better-suffer-a-little”. But it’s important for me to reflect and share this with people, so here I am.

full article

A Review of “Die Empty: Unleash Your Best Work Every Day”- part 1

This latest book by Todd Henry grabbed my attention instantly with the opening story, one about a wall where people put down their wishes and aspirations in the form of “before I die I want to…”. The truth is, many people have brought their best talent and ideas into the graves with them. They never accomplished what they had wished for, and thus died a regretful life.

The question now for every one of us is: what can I do about it?

In twelve chapters, the author talks about the important aspects of how not to die empty. Among those chapters my favorite ones are “chapter3: the siren song of mediocrity”,”chapter6: step out of your comfort zone” and “chapter8: be comfidently adaptable”. I’m going to do a review of each 3 chapters, and hopefully to remind myself(as well as you who are reading this) again that your time is limited, and you’ll die someday eventually, so make wise choices everyday.

It probably took less work to earn all A’s

“The surprise is that it probably took less work to earn all As than it did to earn lower grades. When you’re earning straight As, you’re learning the material as it’s presented. You’re not falling behind. You remain caught up and current on assignments. You’re not succumbing to confusion or cluelessness. If you don’t understand something, you figure it out ASAP. If you need help, you ask for help right away. You do NOT fall behind.”

My two cents

If you remain caught up, you would probably have a feeling of “hey I’m good at this stuff”. Therefore you would feel less pressured to work hard, because deep down you have already cultivated your confidence through past performance. Instead of “oh man I’ve got loads to do”, you’d probably say “well I’m gonna do that” without thinking twice and making it a big deal. This couldn’t be better defined than passion, something that frees you from the fear of failure and lures you into coming back for more.

source

Plateaus: recognize them, overcome them

Plateau 1: Stick With It

“You’ve got … your Despairing type, who’s fine as long as he’s in the quick-improvement stage before a plateau, but then he hits a plateau and sees himself seem to stall, not getting better as fast or even seeming to get a little worse, and this type gives in to frustration and despair, because he hasn’t got the humbleness and patience to hang in there and slog, and he can’t stand the time he has to put in on plateaux, and what happens?”

“Geronimo!” the other kids yell, not quite in sync.

— David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

This is often your first stop on your journey to mastery, and it can be a shock to the system. It’s when you begin to realize that you won’t be an exceptional, overnight success—and that mastery is a long way off. It’s when you realize that overnight successes actually take years and years.

Progress junkies seeking short-term gratification give up, and that’s why success turns more on character than it does on talent. University of Pennsylvania psychology professor Angela Duckworth argues in The Plateau Effect that “if you’re myopic and only look at the next moment in time and you base your decisions on ‘what am I going to get out of this in the next nanosecond?’ … then when you hit a plateau, your natural conclusion is to quit and move on to the next thing.” But “if you’re able to think about things in much bigger chunks, you can make good long-term choices and investments of your effort and time.”

Be gritty, and stick with it.

Plateau 2: Practice Deliberately

“You’ve got your Obsessive type … so eager to plateau-hop he doesn’t even know the word patient, much less humble or slog, when he gets stalled at a plateau he tries to like will and force himself off it, by sheer force of work and drill and will and practice, drilling and obsessively honing and working more and more, as in frantically, and he overdoes it and gets hurt, and pretty soon he’s all chronically messed up with injuries, and he hobbles around on the court still obsessively overworking, until finally he’s hardly even able to walk or swing, and his ranking plummets.”
— David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

In 1885, German psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus discovered what’s now known as the “spacing effect.” Ebbinghaus studied gibberish words and showed that his ability to learn and recall those words improved dramatically when he spaced his study session out over time. It’s intuitive to any student who has crammed for an exam and then immediately forgot everything. It’s the phenomenon that your ability to learn a concept improves when you study it multiple times, spaced over a long time span rather than within a short time frame.

On the other hand, the spacing effect seems counterintuitive because it feels like and is misinterpreted by outsiders as laziness. It feels more logical to push forward with hard work, even as we see diminishing, plateauing returns, because the alternative is inaction. The spacing effect demonstrates the role patience plays, in tandem with pushing, in the way our minds learn and improve.

The fact remains that to improve, we need rest and rejuvenation, a connection seen in not just the spacing effect but elsewhere, such as the strong link between sleep and productivity. The risk in impatience and the refusal to slog and pause is not only plateauing results, it’s also the increased exposure to injury and burnout as we push harder and harder, from which it may take a long time to recover.

Don’t push too hard, no matter how tempting it might be.

Plateau 3: Embrace Discomfort

“Then [there’s] maybe the worst type, because it can cunningly masquerade as patience and humble frustration. You’ve got the Complacent type, who improves radically until he hits a plateau, and is content with the radical improvement he’s made to get to the plateau, and doesn’t mind staying at the plateau because it’s comfortable and familiar, and he doesn’t worry about getting off it, and pretty soon you find he’s designed a whole game around compensating for the weaknesses and chinks in the armor the given plateau represents in his game, still—his whole game is based on this plateau now.

And little by little, guys he used to beat start beating him, locating the chinks of the plateau, and his rank starts to slide, but he’ll say he doesn’t care, he says he’s in it for the love of the game, and he always smiles but there gets to be something sort of tight and hangdog about his smile, and he always smiles and is real nice to everybody and real good to have around but he keeps staying where he is while other guys hop plateaux, and he gets beat more and more, but he’s content.”

— David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

It starts with acclimation. First you hate the plateau, then you get used to the plateau, and finally, you need the plateau.

The plateau doesn’t feel like a plateau any longer—something foreign and uncomfortable. Instead that flat line becomes the new normal. This happens more easily than you might expect because of the way our brain adapts to stimulus.

If you’ve experienced walking into a subway in the summer, you’ve noticed how a musky, stinky odor will hit your nose quite strongly at first but within a few minutes you’ll hardly notice it. This happens through a process called olfactory fatigue, which is a kind of neural adaptation. Your sensory neurons respond immediately when exposed to new stimuli but that responsiveness decreases with continual exposure to the stimuli at a constant intensity—your mind and body actually go numb.

First you hate the plateau, then you get used to the plateau, and finally, you need  the plateau.

To get things going again, you need exposure to new stimuli, but there’s where the rub is. Trying something new may not only fail to make you better, it might actually make you worse. In fact, you’re likely to get worse before you get better.

The problem is that getting better means putting at risk what you’ve already gained, and that butts up against a powerful human bias of preferring to avoid losses over acquiring gains, called “loss aversion.” It’s an extremely potent bias, too. In a study offering a gamble on a 50/50 coin toss where an individual might lose $20, those people demanded at least a $40 payoff if they won, suggesting people irrationally require gains of twice the amount that they could potentially lose.

The perniciousness of loss aversion is that, to outside observers, it looks like you’re doing it the right way—plugging away steadily and diligently—when in reality, your decision-making is driven by a deep-seated fear of losing what you have. As Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon, put it, to break through the status quo with a pioneering innovation, you must reject that external validation and have “a willingness to be misunderstood for long periods of time.” That means pursuing mastery for itself, not for outside approval or self-preservation.

Try new things, and be willing to get worse.

See the big picture and push yourself a bit. Let go of the past.

Note

1.The post is NOT an original creation. It is an abridgment of 3 Tips on Overcoming Learning Plateaus from David Foster Wallace, which was originally published on 99U. The original author is Walter Chen.

2. I have intended to create a quote, but it turned out unsatisfactory. First, you cannot edit your quote, therefore it’s impossible to highlight. Second, notes are meant for short sentences. In the article there are so much I wish to take down, so quoting is not a good option.

3. Don’t confuse practice deliberately(plateau 2) with deliberate practice, which will be discussed in future posts. On this particular topic, I recommend posts by Cal Newport.

Kill the hyperlinks

Reflection on the three-day experiment

Three days away from the Internet has been fruitful. Life became much simpler, and more enjoyable – less time spent online, more time reading books and talking with real people. Even had a lovely conversation with my flatmate, who is often busy but does not reject random conversations in the leisure time.

There is one thing I have to mention: focus became difficult for me when I read. I’m okay with short articles, but when it comes to long documents, I get bored after the first couple of paragraphs.

Can’t focus

Why is my lack of focus a problem? This is a problem because my goal is to read and reflect. Without the ability to focus for hours, I could hardly accomplish either.

Where does the problem come from?

On the fourth day, I sat in front of my laptop, clicked on one link of my favorite website, and felt a spring of instant satisfaction, which came as a total shock.

I thought I was over it. I thought I could be happy enough with just plain old books.

Turns out the Internet is still a monster that easily swallows my limited attention.

Hyperlinks

“hyperlinks distract people from reading and thinking deeply… what is different and troubling, is that skimming is becoming our dominant role of reading.”

What to do now?

Simply put: kill the monster, eliminate the sources of distraction.

Specifically, I have divided the websites I usually visit into 6 categories, some of which I’ll visit daily and some others only once per month.

Go against the trend

It is difficult to initiate the change, especially when most others are busy staring at televisions or enjoying the endless joy from clicking hyperlinks. I’m sure at this point, none of my friends would be interested in what I’m doing, even though ironically they refresh their facebook constantly during the day for updates.

This time I’m so determined, because I realize the Internet has done something nasty to my brain, and I just don’t like it.

In the past, I would care a lot about what others think of my projects. I would overthink and put too much pressure on myself. The brutal fact is, no one else care about what you do; most of them are just happy following the trends they see in the media, reassured that they are not “outliers” of the society, that the possibility people pointing figures at them is minimized. And the minute you have finally achieved something, they would woo and wow, without recognizing the risk and effort you have devoted.

Maybe I should write about how our world of entertainment has changed our ability to think critically.

Note

1. The quote above on hyperlinks is from The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, by Nicholas Carr.

Experiment: 3 days away from the Internet

“One night, lightening struck the oak tree.”

Page 13 of Atlas Shrugged no longer had my attention. An urge to check my cell phone came like a wave, which swallowed me instantly. I struggled, and gave up in the end. A voice, out of nowhere, started asking questions.

“Happy now?”

“No, not really. The blog had no updates, so I read some old posts.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Guess I’m just used to it. It makes me satisfied somehow?”

“You were not concentrating.”

But I am in desperate need of the power of concentration, without which it would be almost impossible to finish all the readings. Like Nicholas Carr, who found the Internet to be a major distraction when it came to writing, I am having a hard time reading real books after all the clicking and refreshing on websites.

How to solve this problem? Eliminate the source of distraction!

My experiment: three days away from the Internet.

I will stay away from facebook, youtube, forums, feeds, etc. Instead, I will read real books and papers, and talk to three-dimensional people.

Looking forward to tomorrow!

notes

NOTES

There are a few things I need to clarify:

1. I will not abandon my email and online student account at the university.

2. Also the blog will be updated, so that the result of the experiment will be recorded.

3. There will be no hyperlinks in my posts. Instead, notes will be added in the end. All for eliminating distractions!